Editorial: Getting Along Better amid Bleak, Hateful Polarization

Maybe modern polarization has the United States on the brink of extinction.

Research by Rachel Kleinfeld, a senior fellow in the Carnegie Democracy, Conflict and Governance program, shows that many Americans harbor strong dislike for the opposite party. These feelings often contributed to the belief that the other party is destroying democracy. Bleak.

Kleinfeld described this quickness to hate each other as affective polarization. Some see this kind of hateful polarization as unusual and a possible tipping point for the extinction of democracy as we know it; others, such as political science professor Nicholas P. Lovrich, say it is part of the natural phases the United States goes through as a democracy.

But both agree that we are polarized right now. Either way, the question is, what can be done? 

Some people may be willing to accept the bleak fate of extinction, but I, and many other people on both sides of the political spectrum, think we can do better. We all love this country, and we can always find ways to get along better — on both sides — by being willing to hear different points of view, promoting peace and learning to still disagree without hating each other.

Being Willing to Hear Different Points of View

One of the most constructive ways to combat such hateful polarization is to be willing to hear and understand different points of view in the first place.

In an editorial like this, or any other kind of writing, you might call this a counterargument. It’s where the author points out possible rebuttals to their argument. As it turns out, making counterarguments (or letting other people make them for us) makes us better arguers, because we are able to meet people on a ground of mutual understanding. 

This tactic gained extra traction in 2016 when Dave Fleischer, a longtime political organizer and a gay man, used it to fight LGBT prejudice. He would knock on people’s doors who he knew disagreed with him, then let them do a lot of the talking. “It’s what the Mormons do,” he told a New York Times interviewer.

Now, you may or may not agree with Dave Fleischer for his motives, so this will give you a good chance to hear his point of view. He found that people who he listened to and then responded to with kindness and directness were more likely to be kind and understanding of him.

Fleischer showed that even when we disagree, we are better able to help people understand who we are when we listen to who they are. Through listening we can better care for each other as humans and continue to be friends or coworkers with different people. Can we agree with Fleischer on that?

Promoting Peace

Now think of taking that kindness to the next level. After all kumbaya and peace on earth is the antithesis of extinction — a scenario with which this editorial so callously began.

Now if a gay man can have the answer to fighting prejudice, then a Mormon man can certainly have the answer to promoting peace.

Specifically, the prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints knows about making peace. “Civility and decency seem to have disappeared during this era of polarization and passionate disagreements,” he said in a discourse during the April 2023 general conference. He urged members to look for a better option: making peace.

He spoke to everyone when he said, “we can literally change the world—one person and one interaction at a time. How? By modeling how to manage honest differences of opinion with mutual respect and dignified dialogue.”

President Nelson was not talking about peace at any price, rather he emphasized that disagreement is an important part of life, but we can do it respectfully and civilly.

When we talk to each other, whether that is online, behind each other’s backs or in person, the way that we do it makes a difference. If there is anything we learn from religion it’s that we can put away anger, bitterness, insults and accusations. Can we agree with Nelson on that?

Learning to Disagree without Hating Each Other

Finally, listening and promoting peace during a disagreement should naturally lead to not hating one another. A common fallacy most of us are familiar with is called “ad hominem,” or attacking one’s opponent rather than the opponent’s argument. Most of us recognize this fallacy and how to avoid it, yet we see it in public debate all the time. 

For example, “this politician’s relative did this,” or “this politician looks or acts this way,” or even “this politician doesn’t understand what they are saying,” are not viable arguments. 

But often we make the same kinds of arguments against the opposite party and hate everyone in it. You can probably think of plenty of those on your own. Can we try to take the hate out of our discourse, please!

Utah’s governor, Governor Spencer Cox, is trying to combat this hateful polarization and help Americans and politicians learn how to disagree better. “Americans are tired of the nasty and endless bickering that characterizes our politics and gets in the way of solving our biggest problems,” Cox said in a press release.

In fact, he and Democratic Governor Jared Polis from Colorado are working together. They have put out a series of videos, ads, service projects, and debates as part of an initiative across governors in the country to “Disagree Better.”

The whole point of the initiative is to model respectful disagreement for American people. It is up to us, however, to do better. Do we agree?

So, Do Better!

It is clear that polarization is out there, but it is also here. Affective, hateful, polarization has negative effects on our communities, homes, schools — our very emotional well-being. But little fixes can help the United States look like a little better of a place, even if it’s just for you. So a great challenge for all of America to take, including you, would be to talk to someone different from you: a Democrat, or a Republican; someone of your religion or not; a gay person or a straight person; a senior or a youth; a friend or a foe. 

Tell them, “I want to get along with you.” “I want to listen to you.” “I want to have peaceful conversations with you.” “I don’t want to hate you.” Say it!

And who knows? Maybe the United States will look a little brighter the day after that happens.

– by Abbie Call

Feature image caption: Facing the bleak (and probably exaggerated) fate of extinction, there’s something United States citizens can do to combat hateful polarization across the country.

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Read more from Abbie Call in The Road to Understanding Includes a Mental Disorder or Two, and That’s Good!.